When the clock hit midnight on 31 November 2016, we all knew what time it was: Ke Dezemba! The one month of the year when anything goes.
— Eusebius McKaiser (@Eusebius) December 13, 2014
Here's your guide to getting away with anything in true Ke Dezemba style:
1.Didn't make it to work? Ke Dezemba!
Your friends who are already on December leave convinced you to go out on a school night and you forgot to set your alarm. You finally wake up at 9am to multiple missed calls and messages from your furious boss. How are you going to turn this Ke Dezemba disaster into a win?
Calmly call your boss and tell her that you're late because had to go around the neighbourhood as Secret Santa. So secret, in fact, that you couldn't tell her about it. Sshhhhh.
2.Dude, where's my car? Ke Dezemba!
We've all been there. Or actually, we haven't all been there – you're there now. Where's there, again? Not where your car is, apparently. After partying for a solid 12 hours, who would remember a little detail like a parking bay number, right? Turn your transport trauma into a scavenger hunt with your party buddies and don't stop until you've found your car. Whoever finds it first wins a free night of being taxied around by you – Uber generous!
3.Blew your bonus on a boat rental? Ke Dezemba!
Sun, sea and sailing! What better way to live like Beyonce and Jay Z, even just for a day, than hiring a yacht. But, if you've thrown your entire salary and bonus overboard in the process, you need to think fast. The wind might be taken out of your sails, but don't give up. Rather, turn this yacht trip into a boat bash – and sell tickets. You might not make back your bonus, but you'll have enough to put petrol in your tank once the boat is back in the dock. Promise.
4.Guest plans a mess? Ke Dezemba!
Your aunts, uncles, cousin-brothers and other relatives are descending on your home over December and you've made less than zero plans. It's time to kick it old school and turn the visit into a good old sleepover, with blow up mattresses, movie marathons and board games. Bonus points for letting the children camp in the backyard. Look at you, an innovator!
5.Didn't get to the mall at all? Ke Dezemba
Between theme parties, office parties, Christmas parties, braais and more, who has time to go to the mall for presents? It's now 24 December, and only Father Christmas himself can save you. It's time to improvise Ke Dezemba style. No, don't wrap up salt and pepper from your pantry or that half-used lotion. Get a set of matching mugs and gift each family member with their own special mug – draw their initial on it with a gold marker. It's the thought that counts, remember? And, now with gifts sorted, you have time to spare to make it to that braai later.
6.Office party oopsie? Ke Dezemba!
Ah, the office party. A scene of many an embarrassment. And this time, it's your turn. So you've managed to kick the hired DJ out of the booth and decided to flex your skills in front of the entire office, including your boss's boss? Eish. You might have sucked at spinning discs, but you can still spin this situation. If you can't sell this as "performance art", your next bet is to scour social media, get all the pictures of your DJ set and present it to your boss as a "social media for employees audit". Now, your DJ disaster could be your path to promotion.
These tips on how to live like a king this December was brought to you by King Price Insurance. For more tips on how to save go here.