January is never going to win an award for best month of the year - the party's over, you're close to bankrupt and there's not even Christmas to distract us.
But spare a thought for those whose birthday falls in the first month of the year, for they are the the heroes, tasked with rallying party spirit when all we want to do is hibernate.
1. People think a joint Christmas-birthday present is acceptable.
You cheapskate peasants with your mini toiletries.
2. You don't need any presents as you just had Christmas.
Can we redeem an IOU later in the year?
3. Everyone is doing dry January.
No one will come out for your birthday.
4. Nobody has any money.
Do you see that stopping me?
5. People are still getting over New Year's Eve.
I've had it with you people.
6. People are still on holiday or at home with family.
7. You're always forced to eat an entire cake because everyone is dieting.
No. More. Calories.
8. You're still surrounded by Christmas decorations.
Excuse me, Jesus has had his birthday people.
9. You know you're going to have to deal with this forever.
How do we arrange a second birthday?
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