10/05/2017 12:17 SAST | Updated 10/05/2017 12:20 SAST

Gigaba's Former Mistress Took SA Twitter On An Emotional Rollercoaster, And We Were Barely Able To Cope

This cowntry needs a reset button. Or a cleansing ceremony, or something. Seriously. 😢😭

Phil Magakoe / AFP / Getty Images
South Africa's newly appointed Finance Minister Malusi Gigaba reacts following the official swearing-in ceremony of the new cabinet ministers at the Presidential Guest House in Pretoria on March 31, 2017.

If you're not on Twitter, first of all congratulations on all that extra peace of mind you have. You are truly blessed. But you also missed the next chapter in the Gigaba mistress scandal that has at times veered towards the sublime, the ridiculous and the sheer, bloody funny.

Soon after Finance Minister Malusi Gigaba married Nomachule ("Norma") in 2014, details of an affair with a "New York-based" stylist, Buhle Mkhize, began to emerge. (It apparently lasted through his wedding and honeymoon.) When Norma found out, she instructed him to cut off all contact. On top of that, she took it upon herself to send Mkhize several threatening messages via various social media channels. The spat quickly leaked to the press.

Fast forward to the beginning of May, when eNCA broadcast an exclusive interview with Mrs Gigaba, in which she made a number of... interesting claims (including how hands-on she was in the "transformation" of the Home Affairs systems during her husband's tenure there) and addressed the extremely public affair and her reaction to it.

"People were saying 'How can she say this as a minister's wife?' For me, I didn't care who was saying what, this was my husband. I'm the one he made vows to and I had to take care of the situation," she said.

Though the interview did not go down smoothly in all quarters, it seemed that at the very least, it had put to bed the scandal. The Gigabas could move on.

Not so fast.

On Tuesday evening, a Twitter account claiming to be the Buhle Mkhize suddenly appeared to refute practically everything that Norma had said in her interview. The person retracted any apology she had made, and proceeded to describe Malusi and his wife in a most colourful fashion. It was a lot. Predictably, SA Twitter, never one to miss a good scandal, was all over it. (Within a few hours, the account had more than 11,000 followers.)

It was a lot, guys.

People even went back into the files to find that one time when Economic Freedom Fighters leader Julius Malema got very personal about Gigaba's personal (and very public) issues.

Her decision to employ (screengrabbed) Powerpoint slides to escape the Twitter 140-character limit was appreciated.

Buhle had her backers for standing up for herself.

For those who know how to keep their eyes on the ball, the real question was how this would all affect our pigeon-hearted currency.

How is the opposition going to react to all of this? Isn't it obvious??

It wouldn't be an event without another *terrible* comment from ANC Women's League, would it?

What a wow, as the children say. "What on earth is going to happen next" is becoming a very stressful question in this country of ours.

Let this be the final word. Please, Lord.

LMAO. As if. We're South Africans. We never learn.