NEWS

Prince Harry Engagement To Meghan Markle: How To Avoid The Royal Wedding If You Really Couldn't Care Less

Live in a tent in the woods.

27/11/2017 17:25 SAST | Updated 27/11/2017 17:30 SAST

Monday, November 27 will go down in history as the day the world learned of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's engagement.

Forget where you were the day man first walked on the moon or the moment US President John F Kennedy was shot, this is our generation's historic event.

But what if you really couldn't care less that a complete stranger is marrying another person you don't know and will likely never meet?

PA Wire/PA Images
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced they are engaged.

The good news is the wedding isn't too far off - the pair are due to tie the knot in Spring next year. This means that the amount of time available for speculation is limited.

The bad news is that there will undoubtedly be relentless coverage of the impending nuptials from now until the day after the royal wedding - and even then there will probably be hundreds of column inches dedicated to how good a bridesmaid's derriere looked and whether it upstaged the bride on her big day.

For those who really couldn't care less who the fifth in line to the throne has proposed to, here's our guide to avoid any news of the royal wedding:

Avoid social media:

Not long after the official news broke, the royal wedding announcement began trending on Twitter.

From people offering their congratulations to others querying whether or not this means there will be a public bank holiday (we still don't know), it felt as though everyone had something to say.

Such a frenzy is unlikely to subside as more details of the wedding are revealed over the coming weeks and months.

Save yourself from such hysteria over every single, minute detail and avoid social media until after Spring.

We recommend either deleting your Twitter app or just following accounts who are positively apathetic about all royal news, like BBC newsreader Simon McCoy and Guardian columnist Owen Jones.

Prykhodov via Getty Images
Avoid social media if you're not bothered about the royal wedding.

Disable notifications from royal-mad news sites:

Even if you have tremendous willpower and do manage to avoid social media, some tabloids will likely keep you abreast all the developments - possibly beyond just the date of the royal wedding - by sending a push notification to your phone.

Disable notifications from such tabloid media if you don't want to be constantly bombarded with developments you have no interest in.

Wavebreakmedia via Getty Images
Do not leave the house for the next six months. File image.

Do not leave your house for the next six months:

Lock your doors, turn off your lights and pretend like nobody's home.

Do not risk the chance of having to engage in small talk at your local corner shop.

Order all your food and basic necessities online with strict instructions for the delivery person not to utter a single word about the royal engagement or anything else wedding related.

Avoid all news channels on the television and only watch movies or sports stations - these are less likely to carry unwanted announcements on the developments of the royal wedding.

If you absolutely have to leave your house, do not speak to anybody.

Maybe even carry a sign around with you informing people not to converse with you under any circumstances.

POOL New / Reuters
Hide in a tent in the woods, just like Prince Harry is demonstrating beautifully here with wildlife trust patron Conrad Dickinson.

Relocate somewhere remote:

Even if you were to go to great lengths in the comfort of your own home to avoid the royal wedding, if you live near people there's still a chance of being infected with the wedding bug.

The solution?

Relocate somewhere far away from people.

If travelling abroad is too out of your price range (and of course there's always the added risk of running into a chatty royalist at the airport), there are places in the UK where you can avoid any royal wedding talk.

For instance, the woods can be nice. Why not camp in the woods for the next few months?

Or perhaps go to a poorly populated island in the UK. Scotland has more than 790 islands, many of which would present a perfect opportunity to escape any wedding gossip.

St Kilda, for instance, located 40 miles off North Uist in the North Atlantic Ocean has no permanent population and there are no shops, hotels, or restaurants on any of the islands.

Disclaimer: If it turns out we do get a public bank holiday for the royal wedding then we retract all of the above.