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Tinder And Sex In The City

I kept my introduction to Tinder very secretive and did not think I'd share publicly wishing to avoid any judgment for resorting to "pitiful online dating".

19/03/2017 23:52 SAST | Updated 19/03/2017 23:52 SAST
Andrew Harrer/ Bloomberg / Getty Images

"Do not be desperate!" Those were some of the last words of advice I received from my late mother on my 31st birthday.

I had an amazing relationship with my mother, but we all know that some things we just do not share with our over-protective, doting mothers, like the fact that I was feeling desperate, in fact very! I had turned the big 30 and a year later I was still single with no signs of a dating life. I was not desperate to meet a husband or felt the least bit broody, but I was definitely feeling like I was missing out on something, my lack of a social life and spending way too much time in the office did not make it any easier to meet new people.

My mother was a very strong woman, confident in her faith and whenever she prayed I felt confident, that everything will work out just fine, she prayed almost every day for the "perfect God-sent" husband for me which often made me chuckle and by now I found myself asking God, "could you just get me a boyfriend first?!" A year ago a friend of mine introduced me to Tinder, something I kept very secretive and did not think I would share publicly wishing to avoid any judgment for resorting to "pitiful online dating".

For the first few weeks I was a Tinder junkie, addicted to swiping through hundreds of profiles just for a superficial connection based on physical attributes and possible "chatestry" hoping his personality and conversation penetrated across through my tiny screen. From arrogant, flashy, slick, ambitious player, to artsy, sensual, tantra-loving, vegan-eating yogi, I had my fair share of seeing what Jozi had to offer us single ladies, and within a month I was ready to delete Tinder.

I had decided that it was not worth the effort, making myself up for someone I would probably only see once and never again, I was not in search of a "Netflix and Chill" experience, and if you were like me and not familiar with that phrase it simply means casual sex. I never thought I would waste a single minute more on Tinder ever again, but I did. I took a short vacation to Cape Town and was just curious to see what the Mother City had to offer and I was not disappointed. January 2017, a time when the world meets Cape Town and it becomes even more flavourful... TOURISTS!

I was discovering the city for the first time, all alone and I wanted to add some adventure hoping this time to have a better Tinder experience. With so many matches and so little time I felt a strong connection to one match, a sweet and polite sounding Swiss tourist, our Ubers arrived at the exact same time outside the trendy little café on Kloof Street where we enjoyed our first meeting. Beautiful brown eyes, sun-kissed skinned, a sexy French accent and interesting conversation, I had to say yes to a second date... Dinner of course, which I knew meant dinner and sex this is my Tinder date after all.

I had said yes and made it clear that sex was not on the menu, I had a great evening and the night was not over, after sharing a passionate kiss, I heard these scripted lines "would you like to come back to my place" and again my response was, "I won't be having sex with you". It was a response he could not understand but respected. We have since become friends and remain in contact, I may have not gained a boyfriend but I have gained a friend and found that standing your ground and being confident in your values will be the thing that sets you apart from the rest in any situation.

I have learned that it is ok to try different things, meet new people, make mistakes, and learn from them but mostly I have learnt to always listen to the whispers which turn into the echoes of my mother's advice and that is to live with an attitude of confidence in the things you believe in.