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There Are More People Masturbating At Work Than You Think -- Here's What To Consider Before Partaking Yourself

Is going off to the bathroom for a quick wank, the new coffee break? Should lubricants be a standard bathroom accessory, with condoms, soap and hand cream?

16/02/2017 04:57 SAST | Updated 16/02/2017 17:27 SAST

Masturbation is a salacious topic. I'm never sure why it elicits the kind of public emotional shyness that it does. Mostly everyone does it and men are more likely than women to admit to it. This is due to a cultural construct that says men have a higher sex drive and thus need to masturbate. Extra wanking is allowed for the men who have female partners as we all know women are not into sex. Men need a release. Women are still under sufferance of shame to acknowledge they too self pleasure.

Let's cut out this fiction and stick to facts. At the outset I acknowledge that getting masturbation facts is difficult. I see couples on my therapy couch squirm when I enquire into their masturbation patterns. It's a private act that is held secret. It can feel like a betrayal as society demands we save our genitals exclusively for each other. I enquire about it to check on sexual health and also to get a sense of the value couples (and individuals) place on sexual exclusivity, privacy and their levels of intimacy. So factually speaking, I'm always interested in robust masturbation research.

One of my favourite daily pleasures is reading Time Out New York. It keeps me connected to my "other self" who lives a New York State of Mind in Cape Town. And there it was in Time Out New York: "Research" shows 39 percent of coworkers masturbate at the office. I'm sure this survey would not pass academic peer review, but what the heck, this is interesting!

There may be a strong "fuck factor" in your intimate office environment, a sexual pull to a particular colleague. But do you really want to know if your co-worker is being sexual in the same work environment as you? Do you want to sexualise your bathroom? Are you ready to institute a "masturbation policy" at your work environment? Should a masturbation break be the reward you strive to receive after achieving a work goal? Is going off to the bathroom for a quick wank, the new coffee break? Do you think lubricants should be a standard bathroom accessory together with condoms, soap and hand cream? And do you want to pay someone to jerk off at your expense?!

Masturbation Motivation

This survey showed all 39 percent of participants, irrespective of gender or sexual orientation, were doing this. Their reasons include: boredom, to relieve stress, horniness and to get over a hangover. No doubt you can relate to this as these are common reasons motivating people to masturbate. The post orgasmic feeling of exhale relaxation is better than any head and neck massage your office kindly offers.

But why at work? Surely you can withhold this until you get home, flip open your computer, watch a clip of porn and then do your thing? Perhaps your work bathroom gives you the much needed privacy you long for and can't get at home.

Considering the availability of porn and dating apps specifically Tinder and Grindr, I'm not that surprised that people do this at work. Online chatting, cyber flirting, sexting is horny making business. The anonymity, affordability and accessibility, known as the Triple A Engine, afforded by the device in your hand, gives you ongoing synchronous interaction with another - or many others. You may have filters on your work computer that disallow cyber sex. But in your hand you are free to cyberchat, commit cyber infidelity... And have your happy ending in the bathroom.

MASTURBATION FACTS:

I like these so called facts. Read them as they may neutralise your masturbation shame, and give you some new ideas to shake up your own masturbation habits. Even masturbation at work can get boring.

* Men who admit to masturbating 95 percent

* Women who admit to masturbating 89 percent

* Married Men who admit to masturbating 70 percent

* Married Women who admit to masturbating 70 percent

* Men who admit to masturbating daily 40 percent

* Women who admit to masturbating daily 22 percent

* Women who use vibrators when masturbating 53 percent

* Women who prefer masturbation over sex 40 percent

Masturbated:

* While Standing 82.1 percent

* While Sitting 92.2 percent

* In the Shower 89.9 percent

* In the Bathtub 71.5 percent

* In a Chair 87.2 percent

* On the Sofa 84.4 percent

My Final Thoughts:

I leave you to decide if you are going to include masturbation into your work schedule as a to-do task. My advice?

- I am more concerned about screen time distracting you from work time.

- A quick bathroom self pleasuring session may indeed be harmless and invigorating.

- Be respectful of co-workers.

- Clean up after yourself!

- Be discreet.

- Never coerce or invite anyone to participate in your bathroom antics.

- If caught, it may screw your next job promotion!