THE BLOG

Here Is My Issue With The 'Stay Away From My Man' Dialogue

It takes two to tango. And believe me, your man was not dancing blindfolded.

07/02/2017 04:54 SAST | Updated 07/02/2017 06:23 SAST
Le Club Symphonie via Getty Images
London, England

What comes to mind when you hear the word home-wrecker?

I'm willing to bet that the image comprises of a femme fatale of sorts, with trimmings of devil horns and beady eyes, ready to prey on your man. This was probably also followed by some contemptible murmuring. Cue slut-shaming 101.

You see, the problem with the "stay-away-from-my-man" dialogue is that the other woman, isn't the problem. Your man is. Calling her a slut, whore, home wrecker, trash etc., is all good and well if it makes your insecurities seem justified, but what of him? How is she to blame for his philandering? Have you considered that she may be as much of the victim as you are and that she probably wasn't even aware of your existence until you started threatening her and hurling insults over the phone?

The amount of contempt that's still directed to the other woman is dumbfounding. And by stating this, I'm excluding those who enter into a relationship with a man knowing that he's not single – and even with that being said, there's only so much blame the other woman can be held accountable for.

I've also fallen prey to a woman scorned, when her man, whom I had no interest in, decided to approach me. Despite the fact that I categorically told him I wasn't interested, he persisted until I had no choice but to block his number and avoid any area where I might run the risk of bumping into him. Literally a few days later, his fiancé started harassing me over the phone, asking me to stay away from her man. I laughed before hanging up the first time it happened.

I know it's easier to shift the blame to a complete stranger because in doing so, you won't have to confront the flaws in your relationship – but the other woman is not the enemy.

After several attempts to call me back proved futile, she started sending insulting texts and threatening me. That's where I drew the line. Mustering up as much grace as possible, I called her back and politely (not) told her to stop being pathetic. "If satisfying your man is so challenging that he has to seek it from younger women – the fault is with you, not me. I'm not to blame for how miserable his relationship with you is making him – get your insecurities in check and deal with him personally."

Sure, I could've been more tactful, but I didn't owe her anything, nor did she deserve my respect after how she chose to handle herself in her interaction with me.

I know it's easier to shift the blame to a complete stranger because in doing so, you won't have to confront the flaws in your relationship – but the other woman is not the enemy. You'd much rather let your mind create this monolithic idea that she seduced him when in actuality, your man is doing all the chasing. If you're to lash out at anybody, check him for betraying the promises he made to you.

It takes two to tango. And believe me, your man was not dancing blindfolded.