THE BLOG

Brad and Angelina Forgot To Honour And Respect Each Other And Their Children

We promise "for better or worse" and I think it's safe to assume that nobody has promised to uphold these things only until they get divorced.

09/03/2017 04:56 SAST
Michael Hanschke / Reuters
U.S. actors Brad Pitt and his partner Angelina Jolie pose for photographers on the red carpet at the German premiere of the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" in Berlin January 19, 2009. REUTERS/Hannibal Hanschke/File Photo TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY

Why we have to keep our promises, especially when we get divorced.

We don't know exactly what Angie and Brad promised each other on their wedding day, but from the tabloids we do know that their children helped to write their vows and one of them was "to say sorry, whenever they had a fight".

Boy oh boy, what a fight it has been so far!

Do you remember your wedding vows? We marry with the best intentions of living happily ever after (like Brad and Angie) and promise something to the effect of being honourable and loyal, treating each other with respect, granting forgiveness, taking good care of one another and being supportive, loving unconditionally etc. We promise this "for better or worse", "in sickness and in health" and even "till death do us part". I think it's fairly safe to assume that nobody has ever promised to uphold all these things only until they get divorced.

These promises that we so solemnly make – our wedding vows – are binding and should stand regardless of the mess we make of our marriage. It ought to be an honour to keep our word, whether things are going well or not. In the event that the worst thing that could possibly happen to a marriage occurs – Divorce – our vows must guide us and determine our conduct.

Unfortunately Angie and Brad, like so many of us, seemed to be consumed with anger, resentment and fear, so they set out to retaliate, punish and hit hard where it hurts most. They bitterly cast aside all that was good in their union and set out to justify their legal battle as all hell broke loose with harmful litigation.

Even though we might feel that our spouse having an affair is not healthy or our partner doing crazy things due to a mid-life crisis is sick, or we cringe about the way they treat our children... We committed to being supportive and to help each other through the tough times. So when divorce is the tough transition we have to face, let's honour the other person's position and respect them for handling the situation to the best of their ability, considering the toll it is taking on them.

If our partner messed up really badly, let's have compassion for their mistakes and choices, even though it might break our hearts. Instead of alienating them, rather support them in whatever they have to do to rectify it. Embrace whatever went wrong as something affecting your whole family and make use of the opportunity to learn from it and grow stronger as a result of it.

Mediation would have allowed them to honour their vows, while litigation required them to renounce their promises.

Teach your children the values you wish to instil in them, by setting an admirable example during this trying time. Most of all, bear in mind that family life continues after divorce and you have a responsibility to create a legacy that supports close relationships between all parents and children.

Remember your vows and stand steadfast in them!

Opting for mediation at the core of a collaborative divorce process, would have saved the Brangelinas a load of trauma and legal abuse. Mediation would have allowed them to honour their vows, while litigation required them to renounce their promises.

The way Angelina, Brad and their children's traumatic separation and disgusting divorce has been publicised, is a disgrace to every vow made in every marriage. Instead of washing their dirty laundry in public and crafting the cruellest divorce strategies, they both ought to seriously reconsider their own vows and for starters apologise, not only to each other, but also to their children.