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Why Focusing On Karma After A Divorce Is A Bad Idea

Divorce is challenging enough as it is...

13/12/2016 04:51 SAST | Updated 13/12/2016 04:51 SAST
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
In this May 12, 2014 file photo, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie attend the premiere of HBO Films' "The Normal Heart" at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York.

I see it so often, especially when there is infidelity or unfair treatment involved in divorce circumstances - the aggrieved party literally obsesses over the moment that "the chickens come home to roost", "the wheel turns" or "karma comes to bite them in the bum".

You know what I say? Give. It. Up.

Divorce is challenging enough as it is, and healing from a divorce and ultimately allowing it to be a positive transformative experience requires energy and focus. Giving yourself the time and space to heal from a divorce requires a lot of hard work, and this hard work requires energy. Every ounce of energy that you dedicate towards hoping for your ex's downfall, punishment, just reward, is one less ounce of energy that you keep for yourself, to allow yourself to heal from your divorce. Every moment that you spend focusing on your ex and his/her comeuppance is one less moment that you spend towards rebuilding your own life. Truthfully, there is no better revenge anyway than your own genuine happiness and success – this requires a lot of work. Don't cheat yourself out of your 100% focus and attention on creating the best possible post-divorce life for yourself.

Other reasons karmic revenge fantasies are a waste of time:

• By focusing on a negative outcome for your ex, you are remaining karmically tied to him or her. Instead of cutting these energetic ties and moving on towards forgiveness and acceptance, you keep yourself unnecessarily energetically tied to a relationship that no longer serves you.

• You deny yourself the gift of forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness does not mean "forgetness". Rather, it means that you no longer wish to carry around the negative energy related to your divorce situation. Forgiveness sets you free so that you can allow yourself to move on and create a good new life for yourself.

• Wishing harm on others (even if they have harmed you) does not do any good for your own karma.

• The actual "joy" of witnessing "karmic justice", should it actually happen in your lifetime, is not sustainably satisfying. What do I mean by this? The feeling of elation or sense of justice you may feel if you do, indeed, witness the so-called punishment of your ex, is simply not "filling". It is not enough to sustain your happiness. Yes....there may be a moment of "pleasure", but the fuel generated by that moment is certainly not enough to sustain your lifelong happiness.

• Creating good karma feels so much better than obsessing about bad karma.

The truth is that shit happens. Divorce happens. Sometimes it's fair. Sometimes it's warranted. And sometimes it's downright horrible and wrong and abusive and unfair, and it feels like it's all happening TO you as opposed to FOR you.

The reality is that divorce is just a part of life. It can be incredibly traumatic and painful BUT you can heal from it and you CAN create a good life for yourself. This requires energy and focus. So instead of focusing on your ex being the next headline star of "Cheaters", use your energy to move forward and heal, and to survive, and to thrive!!!!