If you're not on Twitter, first of all congratulations on all that extra peace of mind you have. You are truly blessed. But you also missed the next chapter in the Gigaba mistress scandal that has at times veered towards the sublime, the ridiculous and the sheer, bloody funny.
Soon after Finance Minister Malusi Gigaba married Nomachule ("Norma") in 2014, details of an affair with a "New York-based" stylist, Buhle Mkhize, began to emerge. (It apparently lasted through his wedding and honeymoon.) When Norma found out, she instructed him to cut off all contact. On top of that, she took it upon herself to send Mkhize several threatening messages via various social media channels. The spat quickly leaked to the press.
Fast forward to the beginning of May, when eNCA broadcast an exclusive interview with Mrs Gigaba, in which she made a number of... interesting claims (including how hands-on she was in the "transformation" of the Home Affairs systems during her husband's tenure there) and addressed the extremely public affair and her reaction to it.
"People were saying 'How can she say this as a minister's wife?' For me, I didn't care who was saying what, this was my husband. I'm the one he made vows to and I had to take care of the situation," she said.
Though the interview did not go down smoothly in all quarters, it seemed that at the very least, it had put to bed the scandal. The Gigabas could move on.
Not so fast.
On Tuesday evening, a Twitter account claiming to be the Buhle Mkhize suddenly appeared to refute practically everything that Norma had said in her interview. The person retracted any apology she had made, and proceeded to describe Malusi and his wife in a most colourful fashion. It was a lot. Predictably, SA Twitter, never one to miss a good scandal, was all over it. (Within a few hours, the account had more than 11,000 followers.)
It was a lot, guys.
Gigaba the Legacy(based on a true story)— JellybeanMafia (@kizobantu) May 9, 2017
Melusi as "the Black Frog"
Norma as "Homo Naledi"
Buhle as herself
I'm here for Buhle Mkhize's tea. What's that she said about the Guptas, Gigaba and a private jet??!! pic.twitter.com/Q5r9ElsucE— Bongekile (@Bongeh_M) May 9, 2017
People even went back into the files to find that one time when Economic Freedom Fighters leader Julius Malema got very personal about Gigaba's personal (and very public) issues.
Her decision to employ (screengrabbed) Powerpoint slides to escape the Twitter 140-character limit was appreciated.
Buhle outchea with powerpoint slides. Homie loves women with IT skills. 🔥— Iwobi-Wan Kenobi (@Yared_TheGuy) May 9, 2017
Buhle had her backers for standing up for herself.
Also, I think a side is well within her rights to drag you by your edges if you publicly demonize her while treating your man like a saint— Lemony Thickett (@THISisLULE) May 9, 2017
#BuhleMkhize is the good reason no wife should fight their man's side chick. She's LIT!!!— Mmanaledi Mataboge (@MmanalediM) May 9, 2017
For those who know how to keep their eyes on the ball, the real question was how this would all affect our pigeon-hearted currency.
Buhle is about to collapse the rand. Forget inclusive growth. I wonder what Moody's thinks about a hoe finance minister.— Neo (@Tha1e) May 9, 2017
Does Buhle really now that our curreny at the moment is very fragile??. Please we don't want moody's to downgrade us again.— Da Beast (@digsy3623) May 9, 2017
How is the opposition going to react to all of this? Isn't it obvious??
It wouldn't be an event without another *terrible* comment from ANC Women's League, would it?
I cannot wait for the ANC Women's League press release on the Buhle Mkhize vs. Gigabyte thing. Can. Not. Wait.— IG: richpoplak (@Poplak) May 10, 2017
What a wow, as the children say. "What on earth is going to happen next" is becoming a very stressful question in this country of ours.
Pray for South Africa's Twitter timeline today. We've been through a lot yesterday pic.twitter.com/Lb52GWpTYy— Ranjeni Munusamy (@RanjeniM) May 10, 2017
Let this be the final word. Please, Lord.
Married Men, after last night's episode of the Buhle Mkhize Show are you going to continue with side-chick... pic.twitter.com/URllqzoFpF— Pholoho Selebano (@Pholoho) May 10, 2017
LMAO. As if. We're South Africans. We never learn.