Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
2yo referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them— Rebecca Caprara (@RebeccaCaprara) February 23, 2018
My kid's favorite thing to dip in ketchup is her sleeve.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 25, 2018
I'm writing down my child's story in case I ever need to filibuster a meeting.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 27, 2018
Toddler: *babbling nonsense*
Me: Ok, got it!
Narrator: But she did not "got it" And this would make the toddler very angry.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 24, 2018
Really long movies basically become a miniseries when you're a parent.— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) February 25, 2018
"Hey maybe we'll finish it by Tuesday."
In possibly concerning news, my pre-schooler keeps telling me to say goodbye to the sun.— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 24, 2018
[walking into the Parent Club meeting]— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) February 28, 2018
These are my emotional support tacos!
I can't guarantee much about parenthood, except that you'll find things hidden in your shoes.— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 27, 2018
Mother buffer: the other mom you bring on a first playdate, just in case the new one is a dud.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) February 27, 2018
My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 24, 2018
My husband bought our 3y.o. a police light, complete with siren, to attach to his bike, so I guess we're going to need couple's counseling now.— MumMumMommyMom🤦🏻♀️ (@tinyandtired) February 26, 2018
3-year-old: I'm a big sister.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 27, 2018
3: And a little sister.
Me: That's right.
3: And a lizard monster.
Me: Yes. Definitely that.
"I'M COLD!" yells the teen who is wearing shorts & a tshirt in 40 degree weather & ignored his mother when she said to dress warmer.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 25, 2018
I discovered my toddler can moisturize her entire body with a single french fry. How was your lunch?— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 25, 2018
Did you know that 2 cups of Rice Krispies can cover an area of over 5 feet? Did you also know that the Krispies can be spilled & crushed in the time it takes an adult woman to pee?— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 25, 2018
I do. Now.
The average child uses 16,000 feet of scotch tape in a day.— your mom (@eff_yeah_steph) February 26, 2018
The La Brea Tar Pits but it's my kitchen floor after I let the kids pour their own pancake syrup.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 27, 2018
[at bus stop]— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 27, 2018
ME: you brush your teeth bud?
SON: UMMMM NO BUT I DID LAST NIGHT
SON: AT LEAST I THINK I DID
SON: YEAH. I DID.
ME: *rubs temples slowly*
Congratulations on the birth of your son, and your bathroom smelling like urine for the rest of your life.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 25, 2018