THE BLOG
12/12/2016 04:54 SAST | Updated 12/12/2016 11:42 SAST

Let Us Erase The Thought That The 'Friend Zone' Exists

Growing up I used to have the idea that being in a relationship with someone was absolutely very different from just being their friend. That, when you are in a dating them, you are not "befriending" them you are "loving them" kinda thing. The concept of a boyfriend being compared to being a "male friend", did not make sense to me, it was just not the same thing. What did not make sense to me was that how can the "friend", I call my "boyfriend" be the same as my male "friend" who I can be totally crazy around, be completely and unapologetically myself because he is "just a friend."


When I was a teenager I had a number of male friends, most of them who we grew up in the same neighbourhood. Growing up in the same neighbourhood would also mean that, they saw me in my many faces and outfits of embrassement that a young teenage girl goes through. They saw me with my hair half done, ashy feet, ashy elbows and ashy everywhere! These guys saw it all. Not that I didn't care, but it did not faze me because I saw them as "just friends", nothing more than just boys who were my friends.

I have come to understand that the friendzone is where one of the "friends" in the "friendship" now wants to move the relationship to the next level. Usually the other "friend" has no clue and is okay with the "friendship" staying as it is.


Were they in the friendzone? Not sure. I can think of a couple of times where these "boys" would start "liking" me. They would start by writing me ill-spelt love letters, spoil me with cheap bubble gum and give me more attention than the usual "hi, how are you doing, see you later" There was now an interest to "be boyfriend and girlfriend" and I mean as teenagers, the boy girl relationship starts earlier for others than it does for others but either way it starts anyway!

So now them moving from the space of "friend" to "boyfriend" either happens or doesn't happen, the reasons are countless, just as they would be if the boy was not your friend in the first place.
So, I have come to understand that the friendzone is where one of the "friends" in the "friendship" now wants to move the relationship to the next level. Usually the other "friend" has no clue and is okay with the "friendship" staying as it is. So now, the "friend" who wants to take the relationship cannot do so because they are stuck in this so called "Friendzone", which I personally believe is a zone that one sets for themselves.

Any zone that exists in a relationship or a friendship is a limitation. A zone is a section, a territory that limits someone to go further to where they want to. So, as I said, I believe that the friendzone is self-created. If you desire to move from A to point B, you find out what you need to do to get there. One would say, "its not as easy as you think!" Well, It can be! If we first erase from our minds that the "Friendzone" actually exists.

To be continued...