There were giggles and hushed whispers at an event I attended this past week. In the 21st century so many adults are still embarrassed to talk about sexuality and sex openly. You must be so bored with me beating this drum but it seems that I have to beat it louder than ever before.
I also popped into a children's toy store. Something I have not done for years and besides technology having advanced, mostly toys have remained the same over the years. There are dolls and cars, bicycles, scooters, planes and trains. Some take batteries and some don't, some even charge – you can see where I am going with this.
There were children running around begging for the latest toy. Parents were trying to control the urge to give their angel the biggest and best. Negotiations were taking place and a lot of it looked like bribery. Not one person was shy, ashamed or questioning the need for angel to have another doll, ball, car or puzzle. All these items are absolutely essential to the developmental well-being and social interaction of your child. Right?
Your little angel couldn't possibly entertain himself with what he already has. He or she has to have a toy, nothing less will do. It is perfectly acceptable to ensure that our children have every new game and gadget. The look of glee on the children's faces at their latest acquisition and the look of desperation on the parent is apparent and you just know that by later this afternoon, that toy that she just had to have and would die without; will join the pile of old unloved toys already stacked up in the cupboard.
And then we stop playing with toys altogether. It's not cool. We're too grown up. Men seem to get away with it for a bit longer, especially the gamers. We appease ourselves by saying that our toys get more expensive with bigger cars, smarter phones and tablets but these aren't really toys!
We start to take ourselves so seriously that we suck the life and joy out of what little is left about having fun as an adult.
What is the one thing we can have that children shouldn't?
You will be blown away by the variety of relationship toys available. There is something for everyone. They are no more a threat to your relationship as a new ball is to your friendship.
As adults we are supposed to be emotionally and physically mature enough to have sex. Great, unbridled, hot, steamy, passionate sex! Some of us do, but many more don't. And the reason? The answer is not a simple one. I'd love there to be one thing to blame because then we could speed up recovery. Everyone loves to blame 'their culture'. If I hear one more person hide behind their culture I think I will put my hand down their gullet and tear out their heart!
In my culture we did not talk about sex! In my culture we have to be careful not to upset the elders. In my culture we are not allowed to masturbate. In my culture women are considered dirty when they menstruate. In my culture sex is only for procreation. In my culture men are allowed to have sex with many women. In my culture old people aren't supposed to have sex. In my culture sex is something you endure, not enjoy. In my culture once you become a mother, your child becomes a priority and you don't have to have sex again.
I can go on and on about the variety of 'my culture' excuses I have heard. My response is 'Well how's that working for you?' Because if it's not – change it! Why beat about the bush? Why be polite and sensitive to garbage? Just say no and change it. Someone has to be the revolutionary.
So let's take a tour around an adult store. It's exciting! Let's touch and feel and beg for a new toy! Some take batteries and some don't. Some charge and some are remote controlled. They come in a variety of different colours, shapes and materials. Each one can be used for one or more different games. We can play and explore and laugh and giggle and with a bit of luck have fun as adults who are emotionally and physically mature enough to have sex.
You will be blown away by the variety of relationship toys available. There is something for everyone. They are no more a threat to your relationship as a new ball is to your friendship. Toys never replace your imagination. Toys are merely used as accessories to ensure that your play can be fulfilled. So many South African men are still stuck in the 'What's wrong with my penis?' paradigm. Dude there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, but wouldn't you like to giggle and play and learn some new tricks?
And South African women love to say 'I don't need a toy, I have a real man!' I'm sure you do but I can guarantee that he cannot hum for 40 minutes, and unless you have a man educated by Lola Montez; he has his 3 favourite moves that you already know and may not work for you anymore. It's time to play again. It's time to think of toys again like you did when you were 10. It's time to buy a new one every month because the games are changing.